By the time I got to making Black Swan, the experience was entirely my own,
I felt immune to the worst things anyone could say or write about me.
And to whether the audience felt like to see my movie or not.
It was instructive for me to see ballet dancers, once your technique gets to a certain level,
the only thing that separates you from others is your quirks or flaws.
One ballerina was famous for how she turned slightly off balanced.
You can never be the best, technically.
Someone will always have a higher jump or a more beautiful line.
The only thing you can be the best at is developing your own self.
Authoring your own experience was very much what Black Swan itself was about.
I worked with Darren Aronofsky the director whom changed my last line in the movie to: It was perfect.
Because my character Nina is only artistically successful when she finds perfection and pleasure for herself,
not when she was trying to be perfect in the eyes of others.
So when Black Swan was successful financially and I began receiving accolades.
I felt honored and grateful to have connected with people.
But the true core of my meaning I had already established.
And I needed it to be independent of people's reactions to me.
People told me that Black Swan was an artistic risk.
A scary challenge to try to portray a professional ballet dancer.
But it didn't feel like courage or daring that drove me do it.
I was so oblivious to my own limits that I did things I was woefully unprepared to do.
And so the very inexperience that in college had made me feel insecure and made me want to play by others' rules,
now is making me actually take risks. I didn't even realize were risks.
When Darren asked me if I could do ballet,
I told him that I was basically a ballerina which by the way I wholeheartedly believed.
When it quickly became clear that preparing for the film that I was 15 years away from being a ballerina.
It made me work a million times harder and of course the magic of cinema and body doubles helped the final effect.
But the point is, if I had known my own limitations, I never would have taken the risk.
And the risk led to one of my greatest artistic personal experiences.
And that I not only felt completely free, I also met my husband during the filming.